Arnold is a young, helpful guy who lends friends a hand when they need it. He lacks any fear of getting into life-treathening situations. This ability to take risks and sacrifice himself for his friends, has become handy many, many times. Not only that, he is also an artist and likes to put up a show now and then. Some of you readers have probably seen the fabulous show where Arnold bites the heads of chickens. This is of course rubberchickens. He would never hurt real chickens. That would be like hurting his own family. Arnold loves animals. In fact, he has even been mistaken for an animal. A dog, to be more precise. This gives him access to Effie's left-overs, but the drawback is that he is has to sit on the floor. Arnold doesn't have a girlfriend, but he has put a lot of effort into getting one. One of the women he puts on his charm for, is Doris. The fact that she already has a boyfriend, Ernie, doesn't stop Arnold. He has on a number of occasions tried to get Ernie out of the way, but hasn't succeeded yet. Arnold seems like a stupid, fat and ugly person. Nothing could be far from the truth. In fact, he is a handsome genius that could take over the world, if he wasn't so busy helping everyone. Nobody has realised this yet, but I'm sure the history books will give him the respect and credit he deserves.

 Sid Fernwilter is a successful real-estate man who makes good money on tricking su***rs...ehrm...helping old people who needs a roof above their head. You can always trust him, as long as you keep him away from your wallet, silver, hub caps or anything else that has any value at all. He has also been running a bank from his trailer, but stopped when he realized that people didn't only open savings accounts, but also wanted to draw out money. As you probably know, Sid is Ernie's uncle (What?? You didn't??). Sid is a very kind uncle, and when he is playing poker with the guys, he usually lets his good nephew participate. Ernie also takes part in all the quick-money-schemes which Sid are running all the time. Sid is a respected member of the Piranha Club, and during the years he has won the "Piranha of the year" award many times. He has off course never done anything illegal to deserve this prize.
(Sid has been charged for fraud countless times, but they could never prove a thing.)Mr Fernwilter lives in a house which is so ramshackled that only the paint on the outside keeps it together. His neighbour, Henslow, is often visited by Sid, who usually wants to borrow coffee, ink, ladders, water or electricity. Sometimes Fernwilter wants him to contribute to one of the charity campains that Sid patricipate in. But Henslow isn't, to Sid's
annoyance, one of those who is easily..eeh..who likes to contribute to charity.
Thank God that Sid has Ernie, when Henslow is getting too hard to handle!

Effie is Ernie's landlady. She is a great cook, and specialises in exotic meals. Her cooking is so good that even robbers break into her apartment in the middle off the night, just to get a taste of her delicate cuttlefish-soup. She always has guests for dinner. Well, at least one: Sid Fernwilter, and he has been faithful to her for many years (she has never charged money for her meals). Her dog is very grateful for that, 'cause for some reason, left-overs isn't his favourite food. When Effie isn't putting together one of her specials, she is probably at the local bar, smoking a good cigar and eating boiled pig's trotters. There she gets the chance to flirt with men or hitting ex-husbands over the head. Unfortunately, the so-called ex-husbands are often Ernie or her dog, but that doesn't stop her from demanding the money they owe her. Some of the men Effie has been married to, are still able to charm her. "Maybe he looks like a dog, but he is such a great dancer" Other than that, Effie does all the other things that women at her age does; takes aerobic classes together with water buffaloes stuck in her bathroom door, goes to parties, plays poker with the guys, sings at the local piranha club and generally has a good time.

Ernie is, as we all have figured out by now, the cool main-character of this dubious comic. He lives alone in a flat above Effie, and it is a miracle that he hasn’t been trown out ages ago. He has a tendency to keep all sorts of animals in his apartment; horses, gnus, apes, snakes, elks, parrots etc etc etc etc. But Effie sees the value of this, because then she gets the chance to try out some of her new recipies (without permission from Ernie). Ernie has often a hard time getting rid of the animals he keeps in his apartment, so this is sometimes (not every time) useful. Ernie seems like an animal-lover, but keeping all kinds of stinking creatures in his apartment, isn’t really his favourite hobby. He does, however, have a strong passion for toasters. He has millions of them, and buys even more of them, if he can afford it. The only thing that probably is more important to him than toasters, is his car. He has a ’57 Desoto. It’s a very unique car, and in the entire world there are only two left. Against all odds this wonderful car hasn’t fallen apart yet. Well, actually it has many times, but so far it has been possible to fix it again (who says miracles doesn’t happen anymore??). Ernie isn’t one of those guys who gets overrun by pretty women, but his girlfriend, Doris, is crazy about him. And that is probably enough for a lifetime. There is one thing that is not on his list of top priorities; marriage. Doris would love to get married and have 15 kids. But Ernie is, for some reason, not too eager to be a part of her plans. He would probably be too poor to feed a lot of kids anyway. At least, as long as his uncle Sid is around. Sid is often volunteering to collect money for important causes, and Ernie has of course got to support him in this, by donating a few hundred dollars. The Piranha Club always has parties the following nights after this, but that is of course pure coincidence. So, how can Ernie afford to give away so much cash to help humanity? The answer to this, is the job he has. He works at Mr.Squid Fast Food Franchise. It’s a demanding job that requires many skills. Most people would break under the pressure of such an important position, but Ernie is born for the job. He is among the few chosen ones that sells squid to the hungry masses. The civilization, as we know it, would go under if the deliverance of these burgers, with..err.. interesting taste, stopped.
So let’s hope Ernie will live forever and never stops working at the burgery!

Enos Pork is a popular doctor (every vulture’s favourite quack) who sometimes has to make a choice between life and death. Usually he makes a choice between expensive quackery and outrageously charged malpractice. When he isn’t helping patients with diseases they’ve never heard of, he is hanging out with Sid at the local bar. Sid is a great example for Enos, and the good doctor likes to study the master’s techniques on how to...ehh..earn cash. Dr.Pork also has his own methods. One of them is to follow the ambulance when it’s being called out. Enos spends many hours a day trying to help people improving their health, but he is a heavy smoker himself. This is not, however, the greatest threat to his life. The greatest threat is his lovely wife, who thinks that husband-beating should be part of the Olympics. Besides that, Enos is a respected member of the Piranha Club and has won the Nobel Prize in Medicine many times.(Well, that last fact hasn’t been confirmed yet, but Enos is working on it) If you need a brain transplantation, then Dr. Pork is the man. The only condition is that you pay in in advance.

When you’ve been reading "Ernie", you may have noticed a little, green creature which eat anything that is thrown at it. Earl, as he is called, is only a fish, a piranha to be more precise, but he is nevertheless the smartest character in this comic. He knows what really is important in life. It is not money, it is not toasters. It is food. (In this case "food" can be defined as anything that can be swallowed without having to chew it.)
Because Earl is such a greedy, little piranha, he has even got a fan-club called "The Piranha Club". This club is full of parasites that spends all their time trying to get in the same league as Earl. This is of course impossible, therefore many of them sticks to just being parasites. (Well, not everyone has given up. I think there is a guy in that club called Sid, who tries to compete with Earl’s eating habits. Earl eats stuff that isn’t food, while Sid eats food that isn’t eatable) Earl is not only famous for his appetite, but also for all the wise words he has come up with on a number of occations.