HE MANAGER,
Y.M.C.A. HOTEL,
LONDON.

Dear Signore directore.

Now I am tella you story wot I was a-treated at your hotella. I am a-comma from Roma as tourist to London and stay as a-younga christian man at your hotella.
When I comma in my room I see there is no shit in my bed - how can I sleep with no shit in my bed? So I calla down to receptione and tella: "I wanta shit." They tella me: "Go to toilet." I say "No, no, I wanna shit in my bed." They say: "You'd better not shit in your bed, you sonna-wa-bitch." What is sonna-wa-bitch?

I go down for breakfast into restorante. I order bacon and eggs and two pisses of toast but I gotta only one piss off toast. I point at toast and tella waitress: "I wanta piss." She tella me: "Go to toilet." I say: "No, no, I wanna piss on my plate." She then say to me: "You'd bloody wella not piss on the plate, you sonna-wa-bitch." This is second person who do not even know me calling me "sonna-wa-bitch", and why is your staff replying "Go to toilet"? Is that a modern tella? I do not understand, please tella me.

Later I go for dinner in your restorante. Spoon and knife is laid out but no fock. I tella waitress: "I wanna fock." And she tella me: "Sure everyone wanna fock." I tella her: "No, no, I wanna fock on the table." She tella me: "So you sonna-wa-bitch wanta fock on the table? Get your ass out of here!" How comma christian hotel tella the guest in such bad manner?

So I go down to receptione and ask for bill. I no wanta stay in this hotella no more. When I have paid the a-billa the portier said to me: "Thank you, and piss on you." I say: "Piss on you too, you sonna-wa-bitch. I now go back to Italy."

Directore, I never gonna stay in your hotella no more, you sonna-wa-bitch!

Sincerely

Dicci Elgre,
Roma, Italy