The Liverpool fan buries his head in his hands as the
Frenchmen once again carve his beloved team apart to go 2-0 up.
The camera pans to the Liverpool manager, standing on the
touchline shouting his heart out. "Oh well", the fan
sighs, "our team is young and inexperienced, they'll learn
from this experience". The caption on the screen tells the
ugly truth ...
"Auxerre 2 - Liverpool 0".
The Liverpool fan buries his head in his hands as the
Frenchmen once again carve his beloved team apart to go 3-0 up.
The camera pans to the Liverpool manager, slumped in his dug-out
shaking his head. This time the fan too is slient, and can merely
stare in bewilderment at the caption ...
"Paris St Germain 3 - Liverpool 0".
How did this happen ? Read on ...
When I saw the line-up for the game I was glad to see us starting
with Colly and Fowler upfront. And I shared the pundits'
optimistic predictions for the game, I thought we'd win by a goal
or two.
Three minutes into the game and I wasn't so sure. Our defence was carved open after only 90 seconds - with Jamo needing to make a good save. The PSG management had obviously borrowed the "Everton Bumper Book of Beating Liverpool Tactics" from the local library. Our poor excuse for a midfield was closed down at every opportunity, no chance for the back line to have time on the ball, pressure the wing-backs to narrow our attacking options, you name it.
Couple of minutes later, and a poor clearance gets rifled back into the box, and turned in. "Oh No!" we shout. Fortunately it's ruled out for offside, although the decision's pretty close. The pressure continues, and there's a couple of half chances for PSG - I mentally revise my prediction to a score draw.
As if. 10 minutes gone, a high ball gets punted into the area ... James comes out - and thinking that he's still playing Battle Arena Toshiden - tries to punch it away using his special move. Tragically his special move is "make a complete pig's ear of it", and the ball lands at the feet of an attacker ... who fires it goalwards ... Leonardo taps it in. Bugger.
To say that conceding such a soft goal knocked the spirit out of us would be incorrect, we were playing with about as much passion as an electronic chess machine. These players were supposed to be playing for a place in the 2nd most important Cup Final in Europe - unbelievable.
10 minutes later and our "defence" is breached again by a run from midfield. The attacker shoots home only for the linesman to rule it out, ( unfairly as it turned out), for offside. "Phew!" we shout, that was a real let-off.
Whilst PSG were dangerous and imaginative, the pattern of our possession was disturbingly predictable :
* get ball - usually around our box from a last gasp tackle by
Wright
* give ball to Barnes or Redknapp
* play ball around mid-way in our half going nowhere
* get closed down either : loose possession OR give to wing-back
OR launch it
* if we attack it's either through a meandering jog upfield or a
long punt
* occassionally ball arrives at edge of the area
* the resulting rubbish cross goes out for a throw in ... to them
Hence the first half gave me nothing to shout about - a few chances did fall to Fowler, and he got most of them on target, but their keeper stopped them. Fowler was easily our best player, Collymore was shockingly inept. Whereas the French were sprinting forward to attack us, we cantered forward as if we were 5-0 up in a friendly game. That was really disappointing.
Then with 5 minutes to go, we get caught faffing about just outside our own area, and a high cross is fired into into the 6-yard box ... and right through Jamo's hands ... quelle surprise, as the French would say. 2 PSG men in the box, 8 ( yes eight ) white shirted Liverpool players - and it's 2-0 as some bloke called Couret scores from 6 yards. We're not talking a Del Piero special here - it's a sloppy goal from some unknown French bloke.
Half time was great, I could go a whole 15 minutes without swearing.
I had spent the break telling everyone without earshot that we needed Berger on - but when Colly was inevitably withdrawn it was Thommo who took his place. Why ? Berger had the experience and skill we needed in midfield, he was a sub wasn't he ? Regardless, we started the 2nd half well, a bit more passion, and whoa - even a few players breaking into a sprint.
Soon we got our reward, a Fowler knock-down, and Macca heads it home - "Yeahh!" - at last something to cheer about. But alas, the linesman had been intimidated by the PSG fans threateningly waving bagettes at him, so he ruled it out for offside - which was ridiculous. Still, PSG had 2 good goals ruled out, so we can't really complain.
That, after 50 minutes, was effectively our last attack of the game. PSG could easily have won 6-nil, and their third goal, 5 minutes from time, and coming from more abysmal defending, was their just reward. To say that our away-kitted players looked more like Derby County than the 4-times champions of Europe is an insult to the brave fighters from Derby.
The performances ? Well, Matteo looked totally out of his depth. Barnes was terrible - shaming the captain's armband he wore. Redknapp - one of those I'd had such high hopes for when he played against Auxerre - was almost totally anonymous. McAteer : a Liverpool fanatic ? Very funny.
Thommo had a good 2nd half though, and you could see Macca and Fowler urging the team on. And Wright was as committed as ever, fair play to the man - 2 years ago I never thought I'd say this : his attitude is an example to the rest of the squad.
And whilst I'm on the subject, what on earth does Doug Livermore do ? Euro-expert John Toshack should be sitting on the bench beside Evvo, not a Tottenham reject like Livermore.
But enough of the recriminations - time to get behind the
side.
2 weeks.
4 goals.
At Anfield.
We qualify.
"Walk on through the wind, walk on through the rain,
Though your dreams be tossed and blown.
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart ...
And you'll never walk alone."
--
Dr Jaron Collis, Dept. of Computer Science, Queen's University of
Belfast
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EMail : j.collis@qub.ac.uk
URL : http://www.cs.qub.ac.uk/~J.Collis/