T'was the best of times, and the worst of times...
No, actually, it was summer, it was the first of July, and it was frying hot outside. It was in the evening.
"Hey, guys and gals! Since it's in the evenin' and since it's thursday, that means--yeah, that's right! It's time for my show again! This is Mike and--" Mike said cheerfully into the microphone.
"Hey, little bro,"
"Why, look! It's my ol' brother, Raph," Mike said, grinned, and pressed the applause button.
"Thank you, thank you," Raph gave his usual smirk and plumped down on the chair next to Mike, wiping the sweat of his forehead.
"Sure is hot today, huh, people?" Mike went on, " so, what brings you here, Raph?"
Raph took a sip of his beer can and gave a little belch. "Just thought I'd finally join your radio show--it gets a little boring with Leo talking about ninjitsu after awhile, eh?"
"You can say that again, " Mike chuckled and hit the laughter button.
"Hey!" Leo yelled and smacked Raph on the back of his head in passing, " I heard that!"
"Waddaya doin, hrrmm--" Raph began to growl, but Mikey put a hand on his arm, "Remember, Raph, " he grinned innocently, "this broadcast is live,"
Mike swung around in his office chair and grabbed the mic.
"And that was our other brother Leo--y'all remember Leo, right?" Mike
asked. Mike hit the button with the snoring sound.
"Hehe, sounds like you do," he chuckled.
"So waddaya wanna talk about on this fine evening, Raph?" he turned and gave Raph a grin.
Raph shrugged lazily. "Movies...? Women?"
Mike light up. "I know! We could take calls from my fans!"
Raph sat up in his chair. "Yeah...but we're gonna talk too, right?"
"Yeah, of course...later," Mike nodded, "come on, guys and gals, any questions, any requests, anything, just call and we'll answer ya!"
There was a silence, which Mike filled with hitting the "crickets creaking" button, and then there came a ring.
"Aaaand we have a caller!" Mike announced and hit the button that made the caller get through. "Hello, welcome to 'Late Evening And Night With Mikey'! What's your name?"
"Hey, this is Lola...Lola from Norway," replied a light voice.
"Hey, Loooola," Mike chanted, "what do you want to share with us, all the way from Norway, was it? Isn't cold up there?"
"No, it's not cold up there--in fact, that's a common misconception. The summers are very hot here, at least were I live, on the west coast--but enough babbling, huh?" Lola gave a slight giggle, "Well, the reason that I called is that well, I wanna say hello to everybody, for starters, and second, I wanna ask you--how's it like to be a turtle?"
Mike almost dropped his microphone, his eyes widened and he shot Raph a desperate glance. Raph was gritting his teeth violently, and didn't know what to answer.
Mike cleared his throat. "Um, it's eh, great, but you run out of turtle wax just a little too quickly," he gave a weak and nervous laugh.
Raph pried the microphone out of his hands and said in a deep, but slightly
shaky voice,
"Anyway, thanks for calling, huh, Lola? Since you're our first caller
this evening, we'll dedicate the first song to you--here's The Kinks with
"Lola"...enjoy."
"I will. Thanks, you guys are great," Lola said.
Raph picked up an old LP and placed it on the player. The song started playing, and Mike pushed the distribution button off.
I met her on a club down in old Soho...
Raph nudged Mike not too gently on his shoulder. "Geez, Mike, don't you ever fall out on me like that again! I'm not cut out for this radio stuff--I had no idea what to say!! How the hell did that girl know we're turtles, by the way??" he added angrily.
I asked her her name and in a dark brown voice she said Lola...
Mike just shrugged. " I have no idea, I've never--" his words just trailed
off, but suddenly he got his grin back.
His eyes twinkled with mischief as he turned to Raph and grabbed both
his shoulders.
Oh my Lola la-la-la-la Lola
"Raph, " he said eagerly, " I've got a great idea! Let's just go with the flow and say that we're turtles, huh?
Raph opened his mouth to protest, but Mike continued his chitter.
"Just this once! We'll pretend it's the theme for this weeks show or something...it'll work! Come on, when you think of all the crazy topics I've had on this show, you have to admit that it'll work!"
Raph squirmed from his grip and crossed his arms over his chest. " I dunno, Mike--"
Mike sighed and rolled his eyes. "Come on! It's the perfect topic! What do we know more about than being ourselves? Besides, no one'll know what's really going on--it'll be the funniest show of the year!"
...But I know what I am and I'm glad I'm a man
And so is Lola
La-la-la-la Lola la-la-la-la Lola
Lola la-la-la-la Lola la-la-la-la Lola
Raph and Mike glanced at the LP, who had just stopped and Mike nodded. Raph just groaned.
"Aaaand, we're back! Hope y'all enjoyed that last song, guys--it was dedicated by us to Lola from Norway!" Mike said, "OK, guess what todays topic is, everybody? It's 'Life As A Mutant Turtle'--yeah, that's right! Another crazy topic, and you heard it first here on 'Late Evening And Night With Mikey!!"
Raph sighed heavily, shook his head and went mumbling into the kitchen to grab another cold beer.
"Today we have Raph with us, and he's a mutant turtle, too-- just like me!" Mike almost laughed when he saw how miffed Raph was, "Yeah, if you have any questions and stuff, please do call us-- "
Mike got interrupted by Raph who leaned into the mic, beer in hand,
and said in a scary voice,
"Because if ya don't call us we'll be playing 'Alvin and The Chipmunks'
Greatest Hits' until five am!!"
Mike gave a hearty laugh. "Yeah, that's right--so after this song here,
the lines better be hot!"
Mike put on a CD this time, and soon Mr. Oizo's "Flat Beat" boomed
out of the speakers.
Yeah, I used to know Quentin...he's a real--he's a real jerk!
"So, you're not cut out for this kinda thing, eh, Raph?" Mike teased him, "I think ya did great!"
"Don't ya go saying that yet, Mike," Raph warned him grumpily, but Mike could see a little smirk playing in the corners of his mouth.
Soon, the song stopped.